#9 : I LOVE Shoes

 

I know, I know, what woman doesn't right? But I'm telling ya, I have a deep obsession with footwear that goes beyond your normal day to day activities. This state of mind is totally contagious too. If you spend significant amounts of time with me, you too will develop the love. I came up with a mini questionnaire that will help you determine if you are an addict. Its a public service.

1. Do you keep your shoes in their original boxes?

2. Do you organize said boxes by brand, color, season, height, or a general feeling? (I rotate these bases on my mood)

3. Have you ever bought a shoe to just look at? and never worn?

4. Do you own more than 100 pairs?

5. Have you researched a shoe storage system? 

6.  Do you own the same shoe in more than one color? how about 4 colors?

7. When you're upset, do you like to look at the shoes?

8. Do you show your shoes to people?

9. Do people who have seen you're shoes, talk about your shoes with other people?

10. Have you ever hallucinated that you bought a pair of shoes, then gone looking for them in your closet?

11. Do you fear co-habitation with someone because they might try and take half of your shoe storage?

If you answered yes to 6 or more of these questions, you are well on your way to being a full fledged addict. If you are at 2 or 3, you have plenty of time. 

Peace, Love and Shoes!

#8 : I Hate Snakes

All snakes you ask? Yes, all snakes. The reptile unit at the zoo is strictly off limits to me. Now you may be thinking... hey I don't like snakes either... what you makes you unusual? Three words. Natural History Museum. You think I went into the reptile area there? Uh, no. Does it matter that there are no living snakes there? Uh, no. Do I believe that there may be some small chance that the replicas will somehow come alive and touch me? Uh, yes. I don't trust them.

 I think it started when I was a kid.. surprise surprise. I have this memory of visiting my aunt and uncle in this town outside of Portland. The kind of town where it rains all the time and everything kinda smells like mold. I know you know what I mean if you've been there. Anyway, They had this field/yard out in the side of their house that had completely overgrown with grass. So of course... we went exploring through it and as we walked all we could see were snakes jumping to get out of our way. I stopped right there in my tracks, turned around and booked it for the house. I was not about to touch or feel or step on one of those little suckers. 

Cut to Lehi, Utah. I've never really lived in a desert and apparently there are an abundance of snakey like creatures here. So many in fact that its not unlikely that you may see one squiggle out in front of you when you are walking home from school. You may also come across a few that didn't quite make it across the road on their flight to freedom. 

Add all these encounters together and you get a deep and sound hate for snakes. (shudder) I can never be friends with you if you have a pet snake. I'm sorry. Well, I guess we can be friends if you never require me to touch, meet, pet, see, or be in the same room as said snake. That's how much I hate them. (shudder) 

#7 : I Love Dance Movies

Yup.. all dance movies. Even the ones devoid of all plot and just have gratuitous dancing. Exhibit A : Step Up 3D. They break-dance fight. Enough said. (p.s. It's streaming on Netflix right now. Que it up folks. Que it up.) Exhibit B: Honey. Jessica Alba, you crazy. Exhibit C: Save the Last Dance 2. The first one was plot less enough, then they go for round two.

I think I can trace this deep seeded love  back to Dirty Dancing. And come on now ladies, can't we all trace most everything in our lives back to Dirty Dancing? There I was, my little 6 year old self, going crazy for Swayze and wanting MY family to take our summer vacation to Kellerman's.  I have to be honest. I didn't fully understand the adult undertones in that movie (i.e. knocked up Penny and illegal, dangerous abortions) but who needs to understand it when you have cabin love scenes mixed with dirty dancing. Literally. Filthy and Hot. I'll carry a watermelon anytime.

This love continued with Strictly Ballroom ( a little gift from Australia), Footloose (Thanks Kevin for putting Lehi on the map), Girls Just Want to Have Fun (SJP, I loved you before Sex and the City), and don't even get me started on musicals made into movies. Grease, West side Story, Chicago.. the list goes on and on.

What's that you say? You love dance movies too? Well, I challenge your love. Take a peek at IMDb's Best Dance Movie list and use it as your guide. I have seen and love every movie on that list. In my opinion, this could also be the list of movies that the Academy shamefully overlooked. Your bad Academy....your bad.

#6 : I Don't Hate Birds

Ok, Here's the scoop on my tattoo. I don't have it out for birds, its based on a nursery rhyme.

There was a little girl

Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good,

She was very, very good.

But when she was bad

She was horrid.

I wanted a tattoo of the sweetest faced little girl doing something really, really naughty. I think that pretty much sums it up. 

#5 : I Miss My Dad

I miss my dad. When I turned 30, the volume on this statement got turned way up. I realized that there about 1 million things that he is going to be missing out on in my life and that make me miss him even more. 

I want his opinion. Isn't that funny? We spend our whole teenage and young adult life fighting against our parents opinion and now I would kill just to hear what he thinks about me. Am I how he thought I would be? or how he hoped?

I want him to come to my wedding. (if there ever is one that is) I'm totally blessed to have a great step-dad that has stepped into my father role in my life and I know he'll have a big role in this, but there is something special about a dad and his daughter on a wedding day. I'll miss that.

I want him to intimidate my boyfriends. That's right girls. If you have an overprotective pops, count yourself lucky. I would kill for my dad, a front porch and a shotgun.

There are probably 1,456 more things I could think of that I'll miss, but all of those things feel OK when I remember that what happens to us shapes who we are. Now don't get me wrong, I would trade everything in this world to have my dad back, but I understand that losing a parent at 7 years old has helped shape me into the person I have become. 

When it boils down to it, experiences are all we have and all that we are. Unfortunately, sometimes tragedy shapes us more that victory and happiness. I hold myself lucky today that I have an amazing mom, a wonderful step-dad and I had 7 great years with my dad. 

#4 : I Think Everyone Should Have a Power Song

power song

[pou -er] [saung]

- noun

1.      a rhythmic melody that will instantly make you smile

2.      the first song you put on when you are in a bad mood to elevate your spirits

3.      a pop song, modern or otherwise, that you think your friends don't appreciate or understand until their iPod is on shuffle and "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys comes on and you both.... just let it play

4.      any song that sounds best sung at the top of your lungs, off key

5.      your jam

Some examples:

Don't Stop Believeing - Journey

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Underneath the Radar - Underworld

Danger, High Voltage - Electric Six

Life Magazine - Cold Cave

and of course, any show tune from Rent... or Oklahoma.

Thank you and enjoy!

#3 : Elephants Make Me Cry

Now I need to clarify why I cry when I see elephants... Its not that I'm sad, it's mostly that I can't believe that something so amazing exists. Now, there are a couple of things you should know about elephants. After you know, I dare you not to tear up when you see one. (*note: this happens when any elephant is present... video or live. I'm just warning you so proceed with caution.)

Elephants hug and hold hands (trunks). I want to hug an elephant. They suck their truck for comfort when they are babies. Uh hello, how cute is that?? They look for each other when one is lost from the herd. I can barely maintain my own relationships let alone hunt down every pack member. Elephants mourn the dead. They freaking mourn when someone they know dies. Is that not the most amazing thing you have ever heard? 

It's amazing to me that something so humongous could have such a heart of gold. I think you can just feel their souls and that is enough to bring me to tears. 

#2 : I Love Grammar, But I'm a Horrible Speller.

Ok, here's the deal. It's not all kinds of words I have a hard time with... its those tricky words. You know.... Tragedy, Congratulations, college, succotash... (for the record, every single one of those words was caught by spell check as incorrect before this was posted.)

But as bad as I am at spelling, I'm a freak for correct grammar. Too, to or two? You don't know?? I do and I can tell you how to remember which is which. Effect or affect?? I know that too! Your and you're? Yup. Check, and pretty much any other synonym you can think of.

Want to learn about prepositions? Or better yet prepositional phrases?? Come on over. And after that I'll diagram sentences for you!

I guess you can't have it all. I'll keep my grammar skills and leave spelling to Sukanya Roy (2011 Spelling Bee Champion. Props to you sister. Props)

#1 : I Love 3-Legged Dogs

I mean come on. They are the coolest thing this side of the Mississippi. If you don't believe me, you need to meet one. Here are a few reasons (as if you need any) to fall in love.

1. They have overcome adversity. For the love... they have lost a limb. We give soldiers that lose limbs a medal of honor, the least we can do is give these pups a round of applause.

2. They have a past. All I saying is that you lose an appendage, there is probably some bad-ass or heart wrenching story that comes along with it. Now ladies... be honest... We like that bad boys with a sorted past and the broken boys with a sad story so why not love dog with the same?

3. They play and love harder. And that is never a bad thing.

4. They have a bitchen nickname. Tripod. Nuf said.

When I'm a millionaire or adopted by one, whatever comes first, I'm buying a ranch and starting a 3-legged dog rescue. I have a vision of me,  standing on the back porch, wearing an amazing caftan and calling my pack of tripods for dinner. I really can't think of anything better than those smiling balls of fur and history coming at me ready to play and love as hard as they can. 

Beginnings and Endings Feel the Same

Well, here I am. Melanie Mae Baumgartner.... 30 years old and entering my mid mid-life crisis. So how does one celebrate their mid mid-life crisis you ask?? You start a blog. So here goes. I'm not really sure if there are really 300 interesting things about myself that I want everyone to know about, but I'll start with one or 2 and see what develops. In advance, I'd like to thank everyone who reads this for laughing out loud even if you don't think it's funny and just enjoying my general sense of wackiness.